I recently decided to start a blog, a challenge that has proven to stretch me outside the comfy confines of my own box. My initial idea was to write about going beyond the box which will come later. However, the irony is that my box that I had been living with made it almost impossible to go beyond…. until now.
I want to begin this blog experience giving voice to my own humanity and struggle to go beyond the box. I suppose it could be helpful to know that I am not coming from a place of an expert but as a catalyst for growth and inspiration.
I wish my story was a simple tale of perseverance and determination with an result of a top ten list of strategies that are proven to be effective. But no, it is more of a story of internal examination, cries of desperate frustration, and unconditional surrender to the truth of my voice.
Writing in a public forum has a long history for me as a painfully emotional process filled with self-esteem crashes and a humble yielding of my own will. I think of nights in college up at 3am facing the computer, words jumbled and frozen with disorganized thoughts on the verge of wild abandonment and tears. In these moment I envisioned myself running down the street and screaming for relief.
The spoken word is a much easier forum for me to navigate. I am uplifted and inspired by the unpredictable and spontaneous interactions of an audience. So when it comes to the written word and the outlining of thoughts, constructing images and supporting my ideas with examples, I naturally become flustered. Well, in all honesty, I go beyond flustered, passed ruffled, to plucking out my own feathers until I am in fetal position, sucking my thumb and nested in a false idea of failure and hopelessness. Yes it is true… the written word makes this mighty woman fall…. until now.
By now I am sure you must be wondering if the written word forum is so challenging for me, WHAT gave me permission to say “yes” to writing a blog?
Well, the answer lies in the process of my own self-examination. In truth I am a person who values freedom. I thrive in free movement and expression. I don’t take kindly to experiencing confinement. Especially, if it is by my own making. There is no greater sense of injustice to me than to be jailed on false allegations of whom or what I think of myself. It was abundantly obvious that the time had come to face and set myself free and get going beyond my box.
I began with several coaching conversations with colleagues and friends. Most of these conversations were desperate cries of frustration and resulted in my wallowing in loser land. Yes, it is true that I will buy a ticket to loser land and stand in line for the rides. The emotional overwhelm mixed with my limiting beliefs was so intoxicating. Drunk on low esteem, hung over on hopelessness and spun around with self- delusion it was difficult for me to surrender to the writer that wanted to be freed from its decaying jail cell.
Until now…. What was once a tolerable thorn in my side has now become an entire rose garden pricking me in my tender spots. The truth had become illuminated. I had invited this process by saying “yes” to the blog. I opened up and explored my ideas and beliefs that were keeping me in the box. I began to move through my false images of myself as a “non-writer” and forgave my fear. I became willing to surrender unconditionally to whatever unfolded. I laid down my arms, took off my shield and removed my armor. I gave up the fight, the self-interrogating, wallowing, and living with lies.
Exposed, vulnerable and free, my voice is not what I had anticipated, but it is authentic and in process of becoming big and bold.
April 2nd, 2010 at 12:55 pm
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April 7th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
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May 13th, 2010 at 4:44 am
What you do is great - but more frequent updates, please?
June 1st, 2010 at 2:35 am
I’II start with:
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June 9th, 2010 at 8:22 am
I want to start blogging too, what do you think, which blog cms is good for beginner?
June 10th, 2010 at 8:05 am
omg okay so here’s how dumb I am, halfway through reading your post I accidentally dropped my cup of coffee on my desk and shut down the internet explorer in error and I couldn’t find your site again until 3 days later on to finish reading from the point i stopped at simply because I did not remember how I linked here in the first place lol anyway it was worth the hold out..regards
June 10th, 2010 at 10:43 am
You post awsome posts. Bookmarked !
June 10th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Hi
Sorry for my delay. I still think of myself as a beginner blogger myself and I use a tech coach to help me navigate all the logistics. Her contact info is http://www.techcoachforcoaches.com. She is amazing and can answer all your concerns and inquiries. She may even offer a free consult. I highly recommend Sandra De Freitas for all your Technical information and services.
June 10th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Hi,
I so appreciate your question and I am sorry for my delay. I wish I could answer you directly but at last I use a tech coach for all my technical and information services. Her name is Sandra DeFreitas and her contact info is http://www.techcoachforcoaches.com. You can contact her through email at sandra@techcoachforcoaches.com. She is amazing and I highly recommend her to answer all your questions. She is far more knowledgeable in this area than I am. If you decide to follow up with her please let her know that I referred you. She will be delighted to know we have connected.
I hope this helps.
Warmly,
Kirsten Allen
June 12th, 2010 at 1:43 am
Thanks for an idea, you sparked at idea from a angle I hadn’t considerd yet. Now lets see if I can do something with it.
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