Kirsten Allen and Company

Throughout my years of  coaching clients,  I have noticed when clients feel stuck,  it is usually because they are in a box. In my previous post, Irony and the Box, I wrote about my experience  from within my box.

A box refers to your beliefs, thoughts and ideas about ’something’ and how it confines your forward movement in your life.

For example,  the “Business as Usual” box is pervasive among our society. In general, it refers to how things get done. The status quo of life….Wake, work, strive, home.  It often promotes a rote response versus an “in the moment”  determination.  This is often the case when we are operating from within a box. It disables our present moment awareness and keeps us unconscious. When we are unconscious we are awake but responding from a place of old ideas of what “should” happen versus from a place that is authentic to the current situation.

There are all sorts of boxes that are constructed throughout our experience. Once a box is constructed, it alters how we perceive or view our experience.   Another common box in our society is “life is hard”.  Each time an event occurs, it is collected and stored as proof that life is hard… Flat tire, rainy day, break-up,  unrelenting boss.  We pack the box with evidence and store it in our experience.  A box is a container that is taped together by our agreements. We make agreements by saying “yes” to ideas that resonate in our experiences, whether or not we are aware of it.  Boxes hold the contents of our unchallenged thoughts and false beliefs.  “Life is hard” and “Business as Usual” continues until we stop living with the box.

Once we are aware and willing to examine the contents of our box the automation of our life begins to dissolve. We begin to experience life as more fluid with a renewed sense of energy and freedom.

I recently decided to start a blog, a challenge that has proven to stretch me outside the comfy confines of my own box. My initial idea was to write about going beyond the box which will come later. However, the irony is that my box that I had been living with made it almost impossible to go beyond…. until now.

I want to begin this blog experience giving voice to my own humanity and struggle to go beyond the box. I suppose it could be helpful to know that I am not coming from a place of an expert but as a catalyst for growth and inspiration.

I wish my story was a simple tale of perseverance and determination with an result of a top ten list of strategies that are proven to be effective. But no, it is more of a story of internal examination, cries of desperate frustration, and unconditional surrender to the truth of my voice.

Writing in a public forum has a long history for me as a painfully emotional process filled with self-esteem crashes and a humble yielding of my own will. I think of nights in college up at 3am facing the computer, words jumbled and frozen with disorganized thoughts on the verge of wild abandonment and tears. In these moment I envisioned myself running down the street and screaming for relief.

The spoken word is a much easier forum for me to navigate. I am uplifted and inspired by the unpredictable and spontaneous interactions of an audience. So when it comes to the written word and the outlining of thoughts, constructing images and supporting my ideas with examples, I naturally become flustered. Well, in all honesty, I go beyond flustered, passed ruffled, to plucking out my own feathers until I am in fetal position, sucking my thumb and nested in a false idea of failure and hopelessness.  Yes it is true… the written word makes this mighty woman fall…. until now.

By now I am sure you must be wondering if the written word forum is so challenging for me, WHAT gave me permission to say “yes” to writing a blog?

Well, the answer lies in the process of my own self-examination. In truth I am a person who values freedom. I thrive in free movement and expression. I don’t take kindly to experiencing confinement. Especially, if it is by my own making. There is no greater sense of injustice to me than to be jailed on false allegations of whom or what I think of myself. It was abundantly obvious that the time had come to face and set myself free and get going beyond my box.

I began with several coaching conversations with colleagues and friends. Most of these conversations were desperate cries of frustration and resulted in my wallowing in loser land. Yes, it is true that I will buy a ticket to loser land and stand in line for the rides. The emotional overwhelm mixed with my limiting beliefs was so intoxicating. Drunk on low esteem, hung over on hopelessness and spun around with self- delusion it was difficult for me to surrender to the writer that wanted to be freed from its decaying  jail cell.

Until now…. What was once a tolerable thorn in my side has now become an entire rose garden pricking me in my tender spots. The truth had become illuminated. I had invited this process by saying “yes” to the blog. I opened up and explored my ideas and beliefs that were keeping me in the box. I began to move through my false images of myself as a “non-writer” and forgave my fear. I became willing to surrender unconditionally to whatever unfolded. I laid down my arms, took off my shield and removed my armor. I gave up the fight, the self-interrogating, wallowing, and living with lies.
Exposed, vulnerable and free, my voice is not what I had anticipated, but it is authentic and in process of becoming big and bold.